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The Ever Present Shadow

by Quiet Child

/
1.
The first step was the hardest one to take But I've had her voice egging me on So strong and feminine But once I'd found my safety line I looked back Why had I been so terrified? It's all absurd But I've heard her voice egging me on So strong and feminine A hum of empathy has finally found me
2.
A Good Plan 05:09
Shadows I can see for miles from this height Better find one just for me, I'm tired It's time, I should turn it around At least for those I love My life should be a pleasurable one And shared with those I love But fear has an unbreakable hold Which hurts the ones I love As loathe as I am to see the end With just a little taste I have the start of a good plan...
3.
Worry 10:08
Goddamn, it's really hot in here... There is a question hanging over me I'm sure it's only of my own design, but Sometimes I worry I'm pretending Sometimes I worry I'm a goddamned liar And even with this new development The vindication of x-ray'd vertebrae I still worry I'm pretending I still imagine I just need toughening Twenty five years of yelled excuses One whiff of danger and I'll look for the bigger man I have been whittled down by demons I am a slave to blame and vices I just want to get along with almost everyone An amiable prison I had hoped time would take care of this And that worries me too Probably shouldn't tell a soul Put it off until the reaper calls Some look for answers where they don't exist Some find the exit by their own hand I have been made into a demon I am a temple of blame and vices At any moment it comes calling Indiscriminate and irrational I have been made into a demon Underachieving and irrational.
4.
Robe, gavel, gun and uniform A racing heartbeat With shaking limbs we meet Who is this on my shoulder Whispering "this will not end well...?" Folded like clothing Cloth and chloroform One day a calm man One day a dead man Everything is fine, officer Don't look in my eyes I push myself to panic
5.
I was remembering who I was only ten years ago The confidence / arrogance divide a guiding line I used to want the argument But now I just don't want to disappoint Somewhere I changed and became this Weak, frightened and cowardly procrastinator running from the world There's a hand around my neck And at any moment it could squeeze But will I die? Probably not... I don't miss being combative I don't care for the adrenaline rush I don't look for the endless fight when it doesn't matter too much But so long did my re-invention take
6.
Hobbled 09:07
Where's the line? How will you falter, struggling alone? Terrified in rooms of giants Sad and shadow eyes Who'd you fool? Why did you punish away from prying eyes? Come, save me Each wave is a fight now that the water is head height Now? Too late Now that I'm scared Now that my anger is stone cold and staid

credits

released September 27, 2015

Written, recorded and mixed by Peter Spiker in 2015.

Mastered by Nick Russell at King's Closet.

Cover photo by Brad Gaskin.

Thanks to Pelley, Spaino, Brent, Paulie, Stacey, Darren, Gary, Puff.

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Quiet Child Adelaide, Australia

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